State-of-the-Art Shitcode Principles

28 January, 2020
2 min to read

State-of-the-Art Shitcode Principles

This a list of state-of-the-art shitcode principles your project should follow.

πŸ’© Full version of the list on GitHub

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The Principles

πŸ’© Name variables in a way as if your code was already obfuscated

Fewer keystrokes, more time for you.

Good πŸ‘πŸ»

let a = 42;

Bad πŸ‘ŽπŸ»

let age = 42;

πŸ’© Mix variable/functions naming style

Celebrate the difference.

Good πŸ‘πŸ»

let wWidth = 640;
let w_height = 480;

Bad πŸ‘ŽπŸ»

let windowWidth = 640;
let windowHeight = 480;

πŸ’© Never write comments

No one is going to read your code anyway.

Good πŸ‘πŸ»

const cdr = 700;

Bad πŸ‘ŽπŸ»

More often comments should contain some 'why' and not some 'what'. If the 'what' is not clear in the code, the code is probably too messy.

// The number of 700ms has been calculated empirically based on UX A/B test results.
// @see: <link to experiment or to related JIRA task or to something that explains number 700 in details>
const callbackDebounceRate = 700;

πŸ’© Always write comments in your native language

If you violated the "No comments" principle then at least try to write comments in a language that is different from the language you used to write the code. If your native language is English you may violate this principle.

Good πŸ‘πŸ»

// Π—Π°ΠΊΡ€ΠΈΠ²Π°Ρ”ΠΌΠΎ модальнС Π²Ρ–ΠΊΠΎΠ½Π΅Ρ‡ΠΊΠΎ ΠΏΡ€ΠΈ Π²ΠΈΠ½ΠΈΠΊΠ½Π΅Π½Π½Ρ– ΠΏΠΎΠΌΠΈΠ»ΠΊΠΈ.
toggleModal(false);

Bad πŸ‘ŽπŸ»

// Hide modal window on error.
toggleModal(false);

πŸ’© Try to mix formatting style as much as possible

Celebrate the difference.

Good πŸ‘πŸ»

let i = ['tomato', 'onion', 'mushrooms'];
let d = [ "ketchup", "mayonnaise" ];

Bad πŸ‘ŽπŸ»

let ingredients = ['tomato', 'onion', 'mushrooms'];
let dressings = ['ketchup', 'mayonnaise'];

πŸ’© Put as much code as possible into one line

Good πŸ‘πŸ»

document.location.search.replace(/(^\?)/,'').split('&').reduce(function(o,n){n=n.split('=');o[n[0]]=n[1];return o},{})

Bad πŸ‘ŽπŸ»

document.location.search
  .replace(/(^\?)/, '')
  .split('&')
  .reduce((searchParams, keyValuePair) => {
    keyValuePair = keyValuePair.split('=');
    searchParams[keyValuePair[0]] = keyValuePair[1];
    return searchParams;
  },
  {}
)

πŸ’© Fail silently

Whenever you catch an error it is not necessary for anyone to know about it. No logs, no error modals, chill.

Good πŸ‘πŸ»

try {
  // Something unpredictable.
} catch (error) {
  // tss... 🀫
}

Bad πŸ‘ŽπŸ»

try {
  // Something unpredictable.
} catch (error) {
  setErrorMessage(error.message);
  // and/or
  logError(error);
}

πŸ’© Use global variables extensively

Globalization principle.

Good πŸ‘πŸ»

let x = 5;

function square() {
  x = x ** 2;
}

square(); // Now x is 25.

Bad πŸ‘ŽπŸ»

let x = 5;

function square(num) {
  return num ** 2;
}

x = square(x); // Now x is 25.

πŸ’© Create variables that you're not going to use.

Just in case.

Good πŸ‘πŸ»

function sum(a, b, c) {
  const timeout = 1300;
  const result = a + b;
  return a + b;
}

Bad πŸ‘ŽπŸ»

function sum(a, b) {
  return a + b;
}

πŸ’© Don't specify types and/or don't do type checks if language allows you to do so.

Good πŸ‘πŸ»

function sum(a, b) {
  return a + b;
}

// Having untyped fun here.
const guessWhat = sum([], {}); // -> "[object Object]"
const guessWhatAgain = sum({}, []); // -> 0

Bad πŸ‘ŽπŸ»

function sum(a: number, b: number): ?number {
  // Covering the case when we don't do transpilation and/or Flow type checks in JS.
  if (typeof a !== 'number' && typeof b !== 'number') {
    return undefined;
  }
  return a + b;
}

// This one should fail during the transpilation/compilation.
const guessWhat = sum([], {}); // -> undefined

πŸ’© You need to have an unreachable piece of code

This is your "Plan B".

Good πŸ‘πŸ»

function square(num) {
  if (typeof num === 'undefined') {
    return undefined;
  }
  else {
    return num ** 2;
  }
  return null; // This is my "Plan B".
}

Bad πŸ‘ŽπŸ»

function square(num) {
  if (typeof num === 'undefined') {
    return undefined;
  }
  return num ** 2;
}

πŸ’© Triangle principle

Be like a bird - nest, nest, nest.

Good πŸ‘πŸ»

function someFunction() {
  if (condition1) {
    if (condition2) {
      asyncFunction(params, (result) => {
        if (result) {
          for (;;) {
            if (condition3) {
            }
          }
        }
      })
    }
  }
}

Bad πŸ‘ŽπŸ»

async function someFunction() {
  if (!condition1 || !condition2) {
    return;
  }

  const result = await asyncFunction(params);
  if (!result) {
    return;
  }

  for (;;) {
    if (condition3) {
    }
  }
}

πŸ’© Mess with indentations

Avoid indentations since they make complex code take up more space in the editor. If you're not feeling like avoiding them then just mess with them.

Good πŸ‘πŸ»

const fruits = ['apple',
  'orange', 'grape', 'pineapple'];
  const toppings = ['syrup', 'cream',
                    'jam',
                    'chocolate'];
const desserts = [];
fruits.forEach(fruit => {
toppings.forEach(topping => {
    desserts.push([
fruit,topping]);
    });})

Bad πŸ‘ŽπŸ»

const fruits = ['apple', 'orange', 'grape', 'pineapple'];
const toppings = ['syrup', 'cream', 'jam', 'chocolate'];
const desserts = [];

fruits.forEach(fruit => {
  toppings.forEach(topping => {
    desserts.push([fruit, topping]);
  });
})

πŸ’© Do not lock your dependencies

Update your dependencies on each new installation in uncontrolled way. Why stick to the past, let's use the cutting edge libraries versions.

Good πŸ‘πŸ»

$ ls -la

package.json

Bad πŸ‘ŽπŸ»

$ ls -la

package.json
package-lock.json

πŸ’© Always name your boolean value a flag

Leave the space for your colleagues to think what the boolean value means.

Good πŸ‘πŸ»

let flag = true;

Bad πŸ‘ŽπŸ»

let isDone = false;
let isEmpty = false;

πŸ’© Long-read functions are better than short ones.

Don't divide a program logic into readable pieces. What if your IDE's search breaks and you will not be able to find the necessary file or function?

  • 10000 lines of code in one file is OK.
  • 1000 lines of a function body is OK.
  • Dealing with many services (3rd party and internal, also, there are some helpers, database hand-written ORM and jQuery slider) in one service.js? It's OK.

πŸ’© Avoid covering your code with tests

This is a duplicate and unnecessary amount of work.

πŸ’© As hard as you can try to avoid code linters

Write code as you want, especially if there is more than one developer in a team. This is a "freedom" principle.

πŸ’© Start your project without a README file.

Keep it that way for the time being.

πŸ’© You need to have unnecessary code

Don't delete the code your app doesn't use. At most, comment it.

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